drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It's official drugs can't kill me
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
