Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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