i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
