she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
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Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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