I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
