My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
