How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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