he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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