she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
