dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
