yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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