So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I want a musical about memes.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
