weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
