fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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