fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
