Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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