So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
