oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Randomize
