dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
