Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
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They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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