I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
