Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
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If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
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still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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