Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
