Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
