there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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