i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
