Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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