So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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