Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
