I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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