my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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