She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
