why didn't you poke me back
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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