Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
