I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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