If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
