your parents love me but you hate me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she told me i tasted like america
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
