There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This is my gift to your gina
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
