remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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