I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
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I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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