Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
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I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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