um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
