I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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