I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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