So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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