you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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