"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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