dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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