I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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