Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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