when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
