well I can't set my house on fire every night
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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