ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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