I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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