there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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