hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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