Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
