3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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