One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
