Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
you made out with another girl for some wings
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
