Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
