the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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