she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
