I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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