Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize