I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I cannot find my penis.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Damn victory sex feels great
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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