so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
