Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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