his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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