somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
