never play flip cup with pint glasses
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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