Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
