So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
