So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
