You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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