hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
