he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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