I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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