doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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