do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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